You still make me smile.
When you graduated, I had to force myself to stop wishing that I’d get to see you around campus. I had to tell myself that looking for you, even if the chances are slim, will be a waste. I just knew that after you left your alma mater, my thoughts of you have to leave too. I do not want to forget but for reality’s sake, I need to. It was pointless to like someone like you. You’re those guys who’d make me smile but would make my heart cry. Fact of life.
This school year swooshed without me seeing you. Forgetting thoughts of you aren’t easy to do but I had to and I made it through. This one-sided feeling is a pain in the ass. It doesn’t give me any right to feel awful. It doesn’t care if I’m hurt because there’s nothing to hold on to. That one year knowing that I won’t get to see you in the walkway or in the streets of our school made me forget how you made me smile in a tad of a moment. I got used that your face won’t come across my eyes until today.
I’m excited for today because I get to see another someone that is trying to replace my feelings for you even if I know it’s a tough shot - unthinkable even. But before I got to see him, I saw you. That tall, built figure and wide smile. That smile that used to bring me good vibes for days. I saw you in your jersey again - my favorite. After a year, you still make my heart race faster than that nervous feeling I get before a huge performance. And when that ball came my way and it was I who gave it back to you, I wanted to smile because it was so freakin’ nice to see you again. I wanted to take a photo of you if only the camera I was using was mine. But I can’t.
20 minutes of seeing you kills me. It kills me that I know you are happy and here I am still wishing.
March 7, 2014
Gloomy summed up what today felt.
I woke up in the afternoon and everyone was out. I had brunch in a wide table fit for 9 persons, all by myself. How could I enjoy a meal while staring at blank seats and hearing only clanks of the spoon as I ate my oatmeal? Then, my carelessness dragged me to break a jar into pieces wounding my legs with tiny red booboos.
I prepared for school and said goodbye to the quiet air and sleeping puppies. As I look out the window in my car ride to the train, the sky was all dark and grey - perfectly complimenting my afternoon mood.
School was draggy. I had no professor for my 3-6pm class because he had something more important to attend to. While my 6-9pm class was simply fine.
I went home to my repainted room. It was still orange but the shade of it is now darker. Without the light contrast, it looked boring, heavy and monotonous. I told that to my father and I got scolded for being ignorant, not knowing that it was going to be painted today and not telling them how I liked it to be. So, he’s saying that it’s my fault. Well, I’ve already told them that I like how my bedroom is orange with the dark and light contrast. They never told me that my room was going to be painted today! Before leaving the house, the workers came and asked if they can check out my room. I didn’t know what they were going to do. How is it my fault? Still, father was mad and his one sided defense prevailed.
Then, I had to eat dinner in the same table with the same atmosphere - quiet and gloomy.
That feeling of defeat and pain.
Liking someone so bad to find out he’s fallen for someone you know. You try to mask the sadness and forget. To cover up, someone new caught your attention and made you smile again but only to know that he, too has fallen for the same girl. To make everything feel worse, the girl with two options, went for another. Ohfudge. Life.
That’s why listening to this piece is just so soothing and calming. It takes away all the shitty feels and makes me remember the brighter side (Yes, there’s always a brighter side!). Plus, I’ve started learning how to play River Flows In You in piano! Yayy! This will keep me busy and occupied.
They are just the cutest! My stress relievers and happiness boosters! ❤️
Chilled at the Doggie Day Fair in Bonifacio Global City this afternoon. Family bondings are still the best! Won’t have my Sunday spent in any other way.Yups, that’s Gio trying to grab my Shawarma! Haha!
I don’t usually cry when watching movies but when I do, it has to be So You Think You Can Dance (it’s not even a movie). I can’t help but be inspired by those dancers. For one, I just know what kind of sacrifice they do to be the best. I know what it feels like to have your family support you. I know how hard it is to prove to people your worth as a dancer. I know how it feels getting in a tough audition or winning a competition. To see them do all those is incredible. Especially how they can move many by dancing. They inspire me a lot and it takes heart to be able to move people. I just love watching this series ❤️